


Explain Skinny Jeans

by Ceileice



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Killua has shitty friends, big fat bitches wearing skinny jeans, skinny jeans, this was fucking pointless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 18:37:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4575381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceileice/pseuds/Ceileice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killua has to explain the connection between big fat bitches and skinny jeans but he can't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Explain Skinny Jeans

Alluka and Killua were doing what they always did whenever they bonded. 

That is, play Scrabble.

It was such a bore for Killua, as he failed all of his writing courses, but this was mainly for Alluka.

Alluka loved Scrabble more than scrambled eggs, and scrambled eggs were the shiz-nit.

Still, deep down inside, Killua wished they didn't have to play Scrabble. He was starting to dread it. The longest word chain he created was with the words, 'bread,' 'leaf,' and 'asss' which he for some reason placed an extra unnecessary 's.' 

Meanwhile, Alluka was just a pro. She'd spell out words Killua wasn't even aware of.

Quite intelligent, if you ask him.

Killua sighed as he shuffled through his little letter blocks and spelled out 'poop' because it was his turn.

Alluka furrowed her brow.

"What's up?" Killua asked, noticing his little sister's sudden change of expression. 

Was she out of juice? Tired? Hungry? Did she need to potty?

"Onii-chan..." Alluka started out.

"Yes? What's wrong?" Killua frowned, but at least it was distracting Alluka from making her move.

"This has been bothering me for a while, and it really isn't nice or like me to say this, but," Alluka began, "why are there always these big fat bitches wearing jeans five times too small for them?"

Killua was.... Slightly shocked, to say the least. Such words pouring out of his kind, innocent, and angelic little sister's mouth? No, no, no... She was supposed to have a larger, more vast, and broader vocabulary than that. Why would she ever speak in Ebonics?

"W-What do you mean...?" he asked, though he wasn't sure if he wanted her to elaborate any further.

Alluka answered, "You know, them plus size bitches. They always be walkin' around in them jeans. They jeans be like... size 0 and they fatasses be size 98!"

Just that statement alone made Killua lose 50 strands of hairs.

...But he loses 100 strands of hair a day, so what's the big deal?

"U-uh..." Killua started, still quite... Shocked. "Those jeans..... I believe are called skinny jeans, and they make them for 'plus-sized' women, too... So..."

"So?" Alluka was not convinced.

"So... I have no idea why you're seeing them wear ones much too small...." Killua finished.

"Right?" Alluka added, "They crazy bitches. They need to quit shopping the little people rack when they clearly fat hoes."

Killua was speechless.

"So then..." Alluka started, since it was quite clear that Killua didn't have anything else to contribute, "Tell me more about these 'skinny' jeans and their connection with big fat bitches."

"Err..." Killua stammered.

Killua wasn't too good at this, so he decided that he needed help. Help from somebody. Help from that one person. The one person he loved to pretend that he knew best, even though he clearly didn't.

Gon Freecss.

"Just one second, sis." Killua said as he whipped out his cellphone and started sending a text message to Gon.

[To: Gon]  
[From: Killua]

QUACK! MEET ME IN PARK IMMEDITELY!

[Send]

Oops! Killua forgot to spell check! But he didn't care. What he cared about was Gon arriving QUICKLY, not QUACKLY.

Too bad for him, though, for once Gon saw the message he was slightly confused.

"Quack?" Gon asked himself. 

He was at Razor's Gymnasium doing squats. "Maybe Killua is feeding ducks, then! How exciting!"

Because animals and nature always excited Gon, he made a big deal of it and decided to rush over 'IMMEDITELY.' 

Gon didn't know how to spell 'IMMEDIATELY' anyway.

Alluka was bored. Bored of Scrabble, too. Answering her question regarding skinny jeans sure was taking long.

"I'm guessing you don't know the answer, so you be asking for help from that small tree??" she asked.

"NO!" Killua answered defensively, "AND ONLY I CAN CALL HIM A TREE!"

Alluka was not convinced.

...Of course, Gon showed up and she was glad she wasn't convinced before.

"And this?" she asked.

"I-I can explain!" Killua exclaimed.

"Hi, Killua and Killua's sister! What's wrong?" Gon asked as he happily joined them in what he thought was duck feeding. He even brought bird feed.

"Gon and I are going to teach you about skinny jeans!" Killua awkwardly said as he also awkwardly waved his hands.

Alluka was not amused.

"Proceed." she said.

So Killua walked over to Gon and hit him, for no apparent reason.

"What?!?!?" Gon asked.

"Idiot! Why did you bring bird feed? You should've brought CHOCOLATE."

Gon was confused, "Chocolate? But won't that kill the ducks? You said 'QUACK!' in your message, so I thought we were feeding ducks?"

Killua face-palmed. "Fuck, I forgot to spellcheck."

"Anyway, Gon, I don't know how to explain what skinny jeans are to my sister..." Killua continued.

"What? You can't?" Gon asked, "Killua, are you a fucking idiot?"

Killua blinked.

"You wear skinny jeans all the time." Gon continued.

"I do?" Killua asked. He did not know that.

Gon face-palmed. "Idiot! You wear Hot Topic skinny jeans, but I personally think Levi's would be better for a tiny Nigg like you."

"waht?" Killua asked.

Then Gon shoved his hand into Killua's shorts and pulled out lots of pairs of skinny jeans because that's where Killua hides the goods.

Killua was astonished! Where did those come from?

"I can assure you I did not put them there." Killua said, shaking his head nervously.

"BAKAA!!!!" Alluka screamed as she grabbed a pair and smacked Killua with them repeatedly. How dare Killua hide this secret from her!

"YOU KNEW WHAT DEY WAS ALL ALONG!" she continued to yell.

Gon watched as poor Killua was beaten by pants. Skinny jeans.

"I have to admit, this is fucking hilarious!!" Gon said happily, "Leorio, Kurapika! Come see this shit!"

And then Kurapika and Leorio, who had been watching the whole time, came out from hiding and laughed their asses off because Killua was getting his ass kicked.

"hahahha fucker!!" Leorio exclaimed.

Kurapika decided to record it on his video camera. It would be another memorable moment they all shared together.

Gon opened his bag of bird feed and started hurling food at Killua.

Then Kurapika and Leorio decided to join in on the bird feed throwing!

Birds started joining in as well, and they attacked Killua, who was still being beaten.

Killua was sad, angry, pissed, and more sad.

Why do they always do this to me? he thought to himself. I thought they were supposed to be my friends...

Friends...

That word lingered in his mind as he began to bleed. The birds were pecking at him too much.

Friends...

"FUCK ALL OF YOU!" Killua suddenly screamed, and he kicked dirt in everyone's faces and ran away crying.

Then Killua kicked his shorts off and and instead put on skinny jeans.

They were so hard to run in.

Killua tripped.

"Ouch..."

At least he was away from his shitty friends and sister...

Killua stood up again, but only to see the most horrifying sight ever.

Beans wearing skinny jeans.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Killua screamed.

Beans said, "motherfucker this is a fashion statement you got that motherfucker? Fuck off now."

and Killua learned a life lesson.

"Never fuck with the green bean man."

...

THE END.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know why i wrote this


End file.
